“If I could be you and you could be me for just one hour
If we could find a way to get inside each other’s mind… walk a mile in my shoes” ~ Joe South

How many times have you assumed somebody could imagine what it was like to be in your shoes, follow your thoughts, only to find – nope, they didn’t?  You assumed they could understand you. You’re smart, they’re smart. You’re both sensitive to other’s feelings and compassionate. What could possibly get in the way? Well, they’re not you. Many of us assume we can understand how it feels to be in someone’s shoes without actually being in them. And it’s a disservice to them and us.

As leaders we would like to be empathic and have compassion for our people, and yet we too are human. We do our best to listen and ask. Still, we can’t “get it right” 100% of the time. After all, we are not wearing their shoes.  We haven’t had another person’s lifetime of experiences and history.

Compassion and empathy have been talked about in the workplace with a heightened awareness of mental health.  Even if we have and support a culture where mental health is discussed openly, there’s more to it.

For instance, I am female, and while I can wish for compassion, acceptance, and respect from a male colleague, I can’t expect him to always relate to my experiences including dismissal of my ideas, minimizing of my contribution, and the physical threatening I have felt in the workplace where my sex, or minority has been a factor. Chances are he’s never had to face those same challenges head on. On the flipside, if that colleague was in an environment where he was the minority in a sea of females, I may not fully relate to his circumstances.

With female professionals who are younger than me, they may not have experienced lower pay or benefits, or a lack of recognition for work done in favor of male colleagues, because of the trend toward increased workplace equity and accountability. Therefore, I can’t always expect that a younger female can put herself in my shoes if I chose to ignore undesired behavior. I may be accustomed to it, understand who it’s coming from, or realize I can still thrive regardless of a temporary insult. With my accumulated history, I register it as temporary. And as with a good friend, child, family member, you pick your battles. With her history, she may not have that experience or wisdom.

And, here’s a recent example we all saw: Travis Kelce yelling in the face of and pushing the Kansas City head coach, Andy Reid, during the super bowl when the Chiefs were losing. Yes, Travis apologized for it during his podcast with his brother who called him out about it. He realized he had stepped over the line. But, how many of us have been in a frustrating situation where the stakes are so high that you can’t control your passion, and you do something stupid?!  Can you imagine the pressure that player feels in that moment in the pinnacle of the season? You saw that Reid chose to ignore it, understanding where the frustration was coming from. You may ask yourself, as a leader, how would you have reacted?

Expecting anybody to always anticipate how you are going to feel or react to what someone said or did is unrealistic. So, wanting compassion, what do you do? Do your best to be patient with people. Listen to them. Even if you think they understand, explain it to them anyway without judgement or attitude. Celebrate diverse perspectives and understand the significance of authentic, meaningful conversations that come from asking and listening. Forgive them.

And, as a leader, just as importantly, forgive yourself for not always “getting it right”.

“Getting it right.” Imagine the impact you could have if you fully stepped into your role as leader, mastering the skills you need for today’s workplace. This is where I can help. My work as a leadership and team expert has me go into organizations, as an outside unbiased view to look at the information gaps. With 25 years of executive search consulting and coaching experience, examining the behaviors around developing and retaining talent at companies, I come prepared with knowledge to support you. Along with proprietary and trademarked solutions including a team mapping tool, Collaboration Beyond Words®, together we effectively leverage the skills and personality traits of each member of a team, making the department/team and you more productive. I identify what you may have missed in your organization that’s holding it back from thriving. Are current practices and tools not working? Are they boring for your people? Contact me: Susan@SusanGoldbergLeadership.com Let’s talk.